just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
