Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
