Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
