the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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