ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
