you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize