we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
