My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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