@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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