fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you would pick up someone in the library
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
