i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
