Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
