I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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