i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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