My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
