I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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