I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
