she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
