Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
