So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
