he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
