The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
