Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
organizing the empties. That sober.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
