I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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