One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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