It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
