Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
