hotel room ftw
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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