Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
