the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
