I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
