And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
