there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
