definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
