I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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