bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're like the curious george of whores
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
