Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
