So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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