I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
