Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
