I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
