yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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