no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
