Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
