Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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