and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
