I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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