i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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