Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
