so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
