I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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