u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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