Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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