You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
