the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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