I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
