he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
