If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
