thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
