why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
