I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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