He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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