Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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