I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i barfeds in our rink
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
