I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
