Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
