so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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