I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
