Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
