dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
