He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
