hotel room ftw
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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