Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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