I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize