just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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