You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
