I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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