If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
