When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
