Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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