she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
