the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I just sharted jello shots
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