I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
