Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
