I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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