fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
