Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He did a backflip because drugs
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