I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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