Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
