then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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