my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
