hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
