I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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