we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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