Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
