Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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