never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
