Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize