Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
