I will die if light touches me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
